Happy National Breastfeeding Week

When I was pregnant with my kiddo, I had all kinds of plans. I was going to cloth diaper, I was going to do baby-led-weaning, I was going to breastfeed, I was going to get him on a strict sleep schedule so he would sleep well, I was going to wear him all the time. I had a million of these. And, then I gave birth. And, it all changed.

Did we cloth diaper? Nope. Did we do baby-led-weaning? No. Did I wear him? Nope, he hated it. I didn't even have diapers or a stroller when he was born because I was so convinced that he would cloth diaper and be worn. Oh, how silly I was!

But, the one thing that I held on to was breastfeeding. This is not to say that we didn't have our problems. Oh, we had a ton of problems. And, I swore I quit about a million times. But, would give it one more try. I cannot even count the number of times we both cried during those failed feedings. We had issues with jaundice, using a shield (and then having to stop using the shield), latch issues, supply issues. In fact, he didn't gain weight quickly enough which led to my doctor telling me we needed to nurse, pump and supplement with every single feed for about 2 months. Oh, that sucked. We had lots of appointments and phone calls to the lactation consultants (where there may have been crying), nursing strikes, cluster feeds that lasted hours and hours, a few bouts of mastitis, ulcers that took months to heal properly, clogged ducts, food sensitivities, and reflux. And, I am sure I am missing some things too.

And, do you know what I have learned? Breastfeeding is hard. Like, really hard. There are some lucky moms that have no problems. Baby latches right away and everything works out great. Which is fantastic for them. But, it can make everyone else feel like a super failure for struggling so much. At least, that is the way it made me feel. It was a struggle of wills for me. I have already lost so much that I wanted to do for my son. All those plans were out the window. And, all I had left was nursing. It was pure stubbornness that has kept me going. My baby had reflux, never slept and cried all the time. He didn't quite fit that vision of a happy, giggly baby that I had in my head before having him. But, I was not going to fail at this. And, this is not to say that using formula is failing. It isn't, in any way. It just felt like failing for me at that moment.

So, here I am at 28 months and we are still nursing. I cannot even believe I can say that. My original goal was 2 weeks. Then, 6 months. Then, a year. And, I am not sure when we are going to wean. I still like that quiet time with him. I still like the cuddles and the joy he has in nursing. I like that I can comfort him in an instant when he is scared or hurt. I won't ever have this time back. And, it is truly special.

So, to all the moms that have nursed or pumped once, one day, one week, one month or one year, you rock! It is hard. And, asks a lot of you. It takes a lot of you. Be proud of your accomplishments because what you have done is truly special. And amazing.

Edited to add: I just feel the need to make sure I repeat that formula feeding is not failing at all. There a million reasons why people cannot or chose to not breastfeed. And that is 100% okay! This post was just my personal experience and my personal struggle.